How do I know if I actually need counseling?

How do I know if counseling is right for me? How do I know if I need it? There are two main things to think about when you're making this decision to start counseling. It comes down to distress and interference.

First, how distressed are you on account of whatever problem you're dealing with? How much pain are you having? If it's anxiety or if it's depression, how bad is it? How bad are you feeling? Sometimes it's as simple as that. When you go to the doctor and they ask you to rank your pain on a scale from 0 to 10, that's a good way to think about whether you should start counseling. How much pain are you feeling on account of this problem? Maybe your problem is more relationship-based instead of internal. How painful is it? Think about how much distress, how much pain, how bothered you are. That's a good way to determine whether you need to get some help.

But that's not the only thing. In addition to thinking through the distress level, I also want you to think: how much interference is this problem actually causing in my life? Sometimes you're not feeling much pain, but your life is still very much interfered with.

I had a back problem a while ago, and after I started physical therapy, I started to feel much less pain. And I thought, “Wow, this is really great. Do I even need to go?” And they asked me, “Well, what percent of normal is your life now?” What they were really asking was how much of my life was truly back to normal. Was I doing everything I used to be able to do? And the truth was, I wasn't. I wasn't feeling pain in most moments, but I also wasn't bending and twisting and reaching and leaning, everything normal that you need a back for.

When you're thinking about your life, whether it's mental health or relationships, it's good to think about the life you wish you had. What does health look like? What would flourishing mean in your life, and are you reaching your potential? Related to this is asking the question: are you just stuck? Maybe you're not able to get where you want to go. You know how you want to live, you know how you'd like to feel, and how you want your relationships to be, but you're not able to get there. Think about these two things. How much distress are you in? How much pain are you in? And how much is your life truly being interfered with?

Related to this, I often ask my clients in the very first session: let's imagine that counseling helps. We're going to meet, and we're going to talk, and a couple of months into your future, you're going to be able to say, “Hey, that really helped. Talking with Jonathan, talking with another counselor here, has been helpful.” My question is, how would you know? What in your life would be different if you truly were feeling more like you wanted to feel, or relating to people more like you wanted to? Thinking about the signs of health, the signs of a fuller life and better relationships, is often just as important as thinking about the pain.

Are you able to get there on your own, or do you need some additional support? Ultimately, that's what counseling is all about. We are here to align with your goals, understand your pain, and understand what's keeping you from reaching your potential. If you want support and help along the way, we're here for you. Sometimes when people just get a picture of what they want, that's enough. They really needed to become aware of how they wish life could go, and things fall into place. Other times, we know the life we want, we just can't seem to get there on our own.